I've written this, that and the other While the least written topic is about my brother Not cause I don't think of him often, I really always do Rather it's because it's usually just too painful to His name is David John Hard What he never did was play the poor-me-card Rather in every way he played everyone's hero Even though his strength level to keep going was a zero You see, my big brother Dave Always was and wanted to be the one to save When all he silently prayed for Was for anyone to walk through his door See beyond his tough guy act Somehow know for a solid fact That he was pleading to the heavens above That he'd be sent an angel with pure intentions of love Who'd know he needed help without him having to ask But the one he leaned on that night, wasn't up for the task Instead they fed him boos, left Dave alone and didn't give him The needed aid to prevent him from commiting the ultimate sin He was crying out for anyone, even kiddo me Crying till he was blue in the face for us to see He was the furthest away From what we know as "okay" Yeah, in our defense He hid the fact he resided on that fence Leaning more to giving up than fighting on, forward Leaning much more to death than, as I wish, toward Toward seeking treatment, toward the path to recovery Sadly, he didn't have the chance to make that discovery The discovery that there's professional help out there Professional help from ones who truly know and care
For what most his friends didn't know Is, to Dave, the worst torment our father did show He was tortured and beaten the worst outta all us offspring In Dave's mind, he was conditioned to believe, the future would bring Bring for a fact only more and more sorrow So at a party blacked out, he decided his tomorrow His tomorrow wasn't worth reaching anymore As he was giving up, bleeding out every emotional pore He confided in someone he believed he could trust He, in one last desperate cry, knew what he must Must do, he handed over the bullets to his gun He was defeated beyond belief, no longer wanting to run This one person, who claimed to be his friend Held those bullets and let Dave cry as he tried to mend But what that selfish person did next Caused, kind hearted me, to curse him with a hex Dave was so drunk, hurt, vulnerable and lost His, so called friend, should've known what it'd cost Rather than staying with Dave, letting him sober up, at least before Before, handing the bullets back and walking out that bedroom door The ass returning the bullets to Dave isn't all he did to seal my big brothers fate But after, left him completely by himself in that fragile state
Dave was one, who'd literally give anyone the shirt off his back Love, empathy and compassion for even strangers, Dave never did lack He always put everyone's needs before his own And when he needed help the most, he was left alone This, so called "friend", many years after that dark Friday night Cried to me that he hated himself for his role played, minutes to midnight He said he hated himself... Guess what Tyler you piece of s**t?! I, My family and all who loved Dave, hate you too! You f**king piece of s**t!! I was fourteen, Dave, my hero, was twenty five Minutes before midnight, before I knew he wouldn't survive I Answered the home phone, my sister thought I was our mom "Dave shot himself in the head!" She shouted, dropping the bomb "What?!" I asked, instantly engulfed in despair. "Let me talk to mom now!" I took the phone to our mom, locked myself in the bathroom, cried to God, "How?!?" A moment after, my mom burst outta her room, "Dave's in the hospital!" I ran outta the bathroom, "Is he okay?!" No one said anything We all ran after our mom out the door, I asked again, "Is he okay?!" Nothing In the ER we were put in a room called "The rose room" Here we were told, at the young age of 25, Dave died too soon He was desperate for someone, anyone to help him survive Instead, his bullets were returned, he was left alone and died at the age of 25 My hero, my big brother Dave Was left alone, to, too soon enter the grave Call me Schizo, but I talk, hear and see him to this day In many lengthy conversations, this is what I hear him say;
"You, little baby sister of mine In your darkest hour, know, it's not your time If I could ask anything of you It'd be, do as I say, not as I do If you can't stay alive for yourself tonight Do it for your big brother, who died minutes before midnight Do it for mom who can't bury another child Do it for your wife, who'd be left alone in the wild Do it for those who need you now and in years to come Cast away the boos, pills and dope, don't continue to run I know, little baby sister so lost in utter despair More often than not, you believe if you died, no one would care But, little baby sister, so distraught, looking to mimick my ultimate mistake Look around you, look with eyes wide open and do a double-take Pour the boos, pills and dope in the toilet and flush them for good Trust your treatment team and take steps in recovery as you should Then promise not only me, but your wife, mom and yourself To never return to those things, leave them on the top back shelf You are much more than your addictions, which cripple your heart If you're hesitant to recover, listen before it's too late to start I love you little baby sister, too blinded by your addictions to see You are worth more than your addictions let you be Another thing I'd like to tell you tonight When the end of your cravings is nowhere in sight Remind yourself, you must and absolutely can do hard things You're no longer alone, ever since you and Rae exchanged wedding rings She needs you to recover and stay with her, as you need the same from her Don't give in and submit when your demons again try to lure You are stronger than your addictions, stronger than your suicidal thought Please do as I plead with you now, not as, from my example, you were taught Rae needs you, mom needs you, you need you and even I need you To please, oh please, do now, as I say, not as I do You've got this, little baby sister of mine Don't give in to your demons temptations and die before your time Do not give in before your time Do not give in before your time I love you, little baby sister of mine And will always love you, till the end of time
Sincerely, your big brother Dave
Peace be with you"
You may call me Schizo, and I don't care I'm grateful I can hear Dave and wouldn't dare Wish for sanity, or to be a normal human being Why would I give up the gift of hearing and seeing My brother who's lost to our realm where the sane reside Why would I turn my back on him, during a raging tide?
So call me Schizo if you dare Go ahead, it's okay, I don't care
Lyrics by Ashley Michelle Hard 