Lyrics by Ashley Michelle Hard

This pain I feel is familiar from most of my life,

yet I still don’t understand it and crave the knife,

against my skin so smooth down my arm; crimson drips.

In my pain I see so bliss in my mind; your lips.

In this pain being in love? For I’ve never known,

a love blessed by the heavens above to me shown.

I turn to darkness for comfort darkened anguish,

but there they tear me apart so that I wish,

for some escape and again crave seeing my blood,

just forget being without pain, for my veins pump mud.

–Pump mud–

Chorus;

Never getting out of the hell I made,

I made my bed in filth and reluctantly laid.

I want out but don’t want to try,

I find light again so I lie,

to everyone about how I feel,

and stay in my pain so real.

–Damn pain so real–

—-So real—-

I feel so normal in my obscure mind,

I’m not a mean girl, rather very kind,

for I no longer wish to inflict pain in others,

writhing in pain I lay in public but no one bothers,

to help me or ask if I”m okay but how can they,

know I’m dying when they so easily believe when I say,

I’m fine, really it’s true, I'm fine.

Sometimes I wish someone could tell I was lying.

But if they did could they even help me?

I can’t help but believe this is where I’ll forever be…

   Chorus;

Never getting out of the hell I made,

I made my bed in filth and reluctantly laid.

I want out but don’t want to try,

I find light again so I lie,

to everyone about how I feel,

and stay in my pain so real.

–Damn pain so real–

—-So real—-

Cherry blossoms fall around me with grace,

but all I see is fire and ash where light has no trace.

I hate that I see darkness where there is light,

When I feel so much pain, relief is nowhere in sight.

I know how to fight my way out,

but crippled in pain all I can do is shout.

But no ones hears me in my stupid pit,

I’m so freaking sick of that damn pit!

I want to feel anger but am too weak,

so I stay in the damn pit, relief I wholly seek.

Chorus

Never getting out of the hell I made,

I made my bed in filth and reluctantly laid.

I want out but don’t want to try,

I find light again so I lie,

to everyone about how I feel,

and stay in my pain so real.

–Damn pain so real–

—-So real—-